A better place

I think I’m actually happy now… I’m not really used to feeling happy. Its really odd. Dai is really worried that I’ll do something stupid again. Not gonna happen. Not while I’m in such a happy place. I feel really bad about being so stupid. I gotta say, falling for your best friend is totally awesome, so long as they fall for you.

Danni and Holly’s responses to me and Dai getting together were much the same. “About bloody time.” And, “It took you long enough.” So everyone knew, except me? Am I really that blind? Five years we’ve been friends. Best friends. He’s waited five years for me to notice him. I’m blind.

I met mother for a coffee yesterday. Dad won’t allow me back into the house. Mother suggested we meet, I suggested the café where Dai works. She’s not bothered about me being with Dai, I thought she would be. If anything, she seemed relieved. She said it was good to see me smiling, and if I really need money, she’d help me out. When she said goodbye she hugged me. I think that’s the first hug I’ve gotten from her since I was a baby. I guess she still cares about her strange child.

If I’m going to get my own place, I’m going to need to get another job. I can’t even afford a room in a share house with my current wage. Dai doesn’t want to be away from me again, so we’ll be getting a place together. But to do that I need more money. Its hard to get a job when you’ve got limited qualifications. I could get work in a restaurant or something. The kind of place that’s open during the day and serves drinks….. But for one thing. My appearance. I don’t quite look right. Not for a place like that. But I don’t want to change too much. Ok, my hair is black again. It’s more ‘normal’ for looking for work.

I hate hunting for work. I’m having no luck. I also don’t really like being a ‘guest’, I want my own place. I want to be able to do what I want, when I want. And then there’s Dai. I don’t know how he does it. Around him I’m calm, peaceful, in control of most of my thoughts…. He makes me feel wanted.

He’s the only stable thing I’ve got. I don’t have anything else.