Its been nearly a year since I last posted anything here. And I think I really need to fill in the gaps. A whole year of gaps. In august of last year Dai left me. A couple of weeks later I started seeing Jamie. No, it wasn't because I'd moved on fast, it was because I didn't want to be alone. It lasted far longer than I expected. But in november I cheated on him. It wasn't intentional, but it happened for a reason. I was out with friends for my birthday. I was more than a little drunk, I sort of crashed into someone on the dance floor. I turned to apologise, and found myself facing the person I wanted more than anything. Yep, Dai. Our reaction to oneanother was pure reflex, we kissed.. and kissed, and kissed. Then went to the mens room and locked ourselves in a cubicle (not the first time we've done that at this particular place). We kissed more, and did more than kiss.. then I realized I did't have a condom, nor did he. So he said "lets go home". It was such a strange feeling. Home. As in the place he had left, the place where I was still living. He lead me by the hand, and on the way out I bumped into Dani (and spilled her drink). "Where are you going in such a hurry?" I had stopped, and this caused Dai to stop and turn around to see why I had stopped. I don't remember which of us said, "We're going home." She hugged us and said something like "I've missed you both." I guess she meant that she'd missed us as a couple. We caught a cab home, and had an interesting time trying to open the front door and kiss at the same time. And so, I cheated on Jamie. The next moring I felt so horribly guilty. I called Jamie and told him that I needed to see him right away. Dai went with me, and waited outside, around the corner. I told Jamie that I'd cheated, and felt that I should stop seeing him, since I really do not like even the idea of cheating. I could tell I'd hurt him. And knowing that made me break down and told him the full story. Sure, I wasn't in love with him, but I did feel something. I guess through out the whole time I was there I may have glanced at the door a few times, because he said, "Hes outside, isn't he?" And he went to the door and opened it and said "Come in David." It was surreal. Jamie made us coffee, he wasn't angry, he actually seemed releaved that it had been Dai. And then, somehow, we all ended up in bed together. I don't know how it happened. And its happened a few more times since then. But I am back with Dai. And there is more. Earlier this year I begun to think about how much he means to me. We're closer than ever, our relationship is stronger. He completes me. Oh, the stupid sentimental emotional crap. I hate it, and yet it takes over. I think its turned my brain to mush. Two months ago I did one thing that I never thought I would do. I had bought the ring in February. Yes. An engagement ring (a manly one, not a girly one). And in may I proposed. Well, sort of. On here I can vomit out endless words, but when it came to the question I wanted to ask more than anything, I was totally speechless. We had gone camping as we usually do that time of year. And went for a walk in the forest, at night. And we were walking along, and I said, "theres something I wanted to ask." And I stopped. I stood there like an idiot, looking at the box in my hand. He'd taken a few more steps before realising that I'd stopped, and turned back to see why I'd stopped. I looked from the box to him. I still couldn't think of anything to say. But he did. "Oh. My. God." Like that. With little pauses. And then I found word(s), "Willyoumarryme?" I swear I turned it into one word. We shared a very long kiss before I got my reply. "Whenever you're ready" A strange acceptance, perhaps. But one that makes sense to us. Oh, sure, other sutff has happended over the last few months. But this is what anyone who has ever read this shit blog wants to read about. You want to know what this boy is feeling, you want to know that hes still breathing. So there it is. I found what I had lost. But to do it I had to do three things that I never thought I would ever do.