Cruelty intolerable

Cruelty. Pain . Cruelty intolerable, pain of the heart. Punishment for the undeserving. Hate returns again and again and again. The pain I feel is not my own. Why do I feel this way?
Its Dai again, its not his fault, he’s never at fault. To me he’s as close to perfection as a person can be, and I don’t believe in perfection. Nothing is perfect. No one can be. But Dai is close to that mythical thing. I want to keep him safe. I hate that I can’t do anything to stop his pain.
Dai is being tortured by John. And it hurts me to see him being hurt. Again John won’t leave him alone, he lingers at Dai’s work, lingers like a bad smell. I’ve never liked john, and he’s never liked me. And now it’s beyond dislike, its pure hate. I’ve never hated anyone like this. Never. Not even my dad, or Ben. I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone so badly. I’m not normally an angry person, sure I get angsty like everyone else, but I’ve never felt this angry. I don’t know how to deal with it. When Dai comes home from work, I can tell if John hassled him, I can tell that he’s upset, I can tell that he doesn’t know what to do.

I want to think of happier things. But I can’t. Dai told me about how he’s been in love with me for so long. He told me that every time I had a girlfriend, he’d cry himself to sleep. It makes me feel awful. I wish he’d said something sooner. I don’t know how I would have reacted if he’d said that he loved me a year ago, or two years ago. We probably would have gotten together. Maybe. I don’t know if we’d still be together now.

I wrote this weeks ago.. I just forgot to post it.