Some people accuse me of being a pessimist, but I dont think i am.
I see the world for what it is, nature is both beautiful and chaotic. nature is wild. Humans have taken that beauty, and raped it, and tamed it and chained it, tortured it and twisted it into a mockery of what it one was. People say "look at all the great things humans have done!" Yes, great, but at what expense?
Why do we do the things we do, why do we live this way? We're lazy and we're greedy, thats why. Everyone wants the biggest and the best. but why?
People think that i hate life and hate the world. I don't. I hate humanity, I hate the world we've created, but I love the wild chaotic beauty that is nature, I love her in all her moods. people think that deserts are dead, they're not, they're full of life, its just well hidden. i love the carnage of a zebra being torn apart by lions, creatures so bizarre that you'd think they're from a science fiction novel, weather that destroys everything in its path, but in such a short space of time life returns. I love the ever-changing face of this planet, constantly shifting coastlines, volcanoes that erupt and make new islands. Nature is bloody and violent, she gives life and takes it, nothing is wasted, life and death is an endless cycle.
I'm not quite the heartless bastard some people think i am. Love is rare and precious. Too many people throw the word around, without really caring about what they say, what they really mean. my love is reserved for those few who deserve it. I care about more than most people realise.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
I like to argue
It happens far to often, people take offense to my opinions.
On a forum, I got accused of having no respect for girls due to my attitude toward sex, and females in general.
this was my response:
i thought it was necessary to point out the opposites.
in my experience, a lot of chicks have just wanted me for sex.
and yes, there have been times when i've dumped chicks cos they wouldnt put out.
but what so many people arent getting, is how seriously fucked up i used to be. every single response, was what would have been my response about 2 years ago
From when i was 15 till about a year ago, i couldnt love, and when you cant love, you go for the next best thing, sex. just so you can feel something, so you can be with another human, so you dont feel alone
so call me a major dick, call me a jerk, call me whatever thing you want to
just know, sometimes theres a reason why people are like that, sometimes its not their fault, sometimes its desperation.
human contact is something we all need, but some of us are denied.
do you know what it is like to have your own parents ignore you?
to be continually left to play on your own, to have no friends? from age 2.
to have all the necessity, bar one: affection
i can count the times my mother has hugged me since infancy, and almost all of that has been in the last 12 months.
theres been a lot of girls that i tried to feel love for, but you cant make yourself love, it just leaves you feeling more empty and more hollow
so hate me, if it makes you feel better.
i'm not like that anymore.. not quite
i see women in two different ways now, as friends, or as sexual objects.
you see, i found what i needed elsewhere, i've got someone who i can treat like a princess.
i found love, in the most unexpected place, i fell for my best friend, a guy
so go ahead and hate me, if it makes you feel better
Its funny how peoples attitudes suddenly change when you point out their blindness.
they apologised
I accepted their appologies and let them know a little more about me
dont be too quick to judge people. we are the way we are for a reason
if my posts were scarcely legible, and my intent malicious, you'd have more reason to think what you did. But i try to make my posts readable. I'm not a malicious person. And i find that the world needs people like me. people who arent afraid to see the other side of things, people who have a vision of the world that is unclouded by what we wish it to be
On a forum, I got accused of having no respect for girls due to my attitude toward sex, and females in general.
this was my response:
i thought it was necessary to point out the opposites.
in my experience, a lot of chicks have just wanted me for sex.
and yes, there have been times when i've dumped chicks cos they wouldnt put out.
but what so many people arent getting, is how seriously fucked up i used to be. every single response, was what would have been my response about 2 years ago
From when i was 15 till about a year ago, i couldnt love, and when you cant love, you go for the next best thing, sex. just so you can feel something, so you can be with another human, so you dont feel alone
so call me a major dick, call me a jerk, call me whatever thing you want to
just know, sometimes theres a reason why people are like that, sometimes its not their fault, sometimes its desperation.
human contact is something we all need, but some of us are denied.
do you know what it is like to have your own parents ignore you?
to be continually left to play on your own, to have no friends? from age 2.
to have all the necessity, bar one: affection
i can count the times my mother has hugged me since infancy, and almost all of that has been in the last 12 months.
theres been a lot of girls that i tried to feel love for, but you cant make yourself love, it just leaves you feeling more empty and more hollow
so hate me, if it makes you feel better.
i'm not like that anymore.. not quite
i see women in two different ways now, as friends, or as sexual objects.
you see, i found what i needed elsewhere, i've got someone who i can treat like a princess.
i found love, in the most unexpected place, i fell for my best friend, a guy
so go ahead and hate me, if it makes you feel better
Its funny how peoples attitudes suddenly change when you point out their blindness.
they apologised
I accepted their appologies and let them know a little more about me
dont be too quick to judge people. we are the way we are for a reason
if my posts were scarcely legible, and my intent malicious, you'd have more reason to think what you did. But i try to make my posts readable. I'm not a malicious person. And i find that the world needs people like me. people who arent afraid to see the other side of things, people who have a vision of the world that is unclouded by what we wish it to be
Monday, April 20, 2009
What the hell would you do?
Dai and Danni are feuding, over me.
I really don’t know what to do. A couple of weeks ago Danni started flirting with me a lot more than she ever used to, and hitting on me. Its been making one hell of an awkward situation. I talked to Dai about it a couple of days ago, and he said that he’d noticed the change in her too, but didn’t want to say anything to her, cos shes a good friend… “how do you tell a friend to stop hitting on your boyfriend?”
So we thought, maybe, if we just ignored her she’d give up and stop. I wish.
Saturday night, we went out, everything seemed normal. But the more Danni drank, the more annoying she got. She started out just hugging me, not all that unusual, then she rubbing up against me, and trying to kiss me. Dai was watching her the whole time, and I could tell it was getting to him, if I didn’t do something he would. I got sick of dodging her kisses, and pushed her away, she pouted at me and tried again. I shoved her harder and said something like “Stop it, you’re making yourself look like an idiot”
She tried again, this time pushing me back into other people. I shoved her away again, “Danni, stop it. I DON’T WANT YOU.”
I didn’t give her another chance, I went straight to where Dai was. He grabbed me and kissed me, I was shaking, mostly from anger at Danni, but in part at myself for having to hurt her.
She was in tears, sitting on the floor. I hate myself for doing that to her. One of her other friends took her away. I haven’t seen her since.
I really don’t know what to do. A couple of weeks ago Danni started flirting with me a lot more than she ever used to, and hitting on me. Its been making one hell of an awkward situation. I talked to Dai about it a couple of days ago, and he said that he’d noticed the change in her too, but didn’t want to say anything to her, cos shes a good friend… “how do you tell a friend to stop hitting on your boyfriend?”
So we thought, maybe, if we just ignored her she’d give up and stop. I wish.
Saturday night, we went out, everything seemed normal. But the more Danni drank, the more annoying she got. She started out just hugging me, not all that unusual, then she rubbing up against me, and trying to kiss me. Dai was watching her the whole time, and I could tell it was getting to him, if I didn’t do something he would. I got sick of dodging her kisses, and pushed her away, she pouted at me and tried again. I shoved her harder and said something like “Stop it, you’re making yourself look like an idiot”
She tried again, this time pushing me back into other people. I shoved her away again, “Danni, stop it. I DON’T WANT YOU.”
I didn’t give her another chance, I went straight to where Dai was. He grabbed me and kissed me, I was shaking, mostly from anger at Danni, but in part at myself for having to hurt her.
She was in tears, sitting on the floor. I hate myself for doing that to her. One of her other friends took her away. I haven’t seen her since.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Months have passed, and so much has happened
We ended up having to move again. The place where we were living was gonna be demolished. Danni came back, heart broken. The guy who she’d been with left her for someone else, he’d pretty much asked her to marry him. And people wonder why I don’t believe in marriage.
So now I live in a house, shared with Dai, Danni and another friend. Its good. Not so lonely. I’ve missed Danni, and Dai and I are as close as ever. Mmmm so very close. For the first ten or so days in the new place, we couldn’t keep off each other, we were both so fucking horny it was scary. It led to a lot of really good sex, and out other house mates telling us to keep the noise down. (Slightly embarrassing)
I'll update again soon.
Heres a poem to tide you over until then.
A life in words
Words, falling from the page
A new beginning, no end in sight
Ink stain bleeds through the fibre
Bluring the letters, losing the words
Ink black as night absorbs all light from the room
Paper pale but yellowed with age
Smudges of ink from stained fingers
Smudges of dust collected in age
Parchment torn to shreds in piles on the floor
A life of unimportant words
No meaning, no meaning, no purpose
Words falling through time
Space
Void
Nothing
Brittle pages swept in the wind, flying high
Ripped
Scattered
Lost
Words that represent a life, of deeds done, of love found
And lost
A life long gone, remembered by none
None but those who read the words
We ended up having to move again. The place where we were living was gonna be demolished. Danni came back, heart broken. The guy who she’d been with left her for someone else, he’d pretty much asked her to marry him. And people wonder why I don’t believe in marriage.
So now I live in a house, shared with Dai, Danni and another friend. Its good. Not so lonely. I’ve missed Danni, and Dai and I are as close as ever. Mmmm so very close. For the first ten or so days in the new place, we couldn’t keep off each other, we were both so fucking horny it was scary. It led to a lot of really good sex, and out other house mates telling us to keep the noise down. (Slightly embarrassing)
I'll update again soon.
Heres a poem to tide you over until then.
A life in words
Words, falling from the page
A new beginning, no end in sight
Ink stain bleeds through the fibre
Bluring the letters, losing the words
Ink black as night absorbs all light from the room
Paper pale but yellowed with age
Smudges of ink from stained fingers
Smudges of dust collected in age
Parchment torn to shreds in piles on the floor
A life of unimportant words
No meaning, no meaning, no purpose
Words falling through time
Space
Void
Nothing
Brittle pages swept in the wind, flying high
Ripped
Scattered
Lost
Words that represent a life, of deeds done, of love found
And lost
A life long gone, remembered by none
None but those who read the words
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